Pixel Enemy

Xbox One Kinect Sensor is now so powerful that it can see your penis

Authored by

Penis

Prison Planet Live have revealed some concerning news, but we’re taking it with a pinch of salt. The video has some old (not yet updated) news regarding things like 24-hour check ins, but it seems what’s shown below might be plausible — though a little creepy. Fast Company Design’s Mark Wilson claims that while testing out the Xbox One it was showing his penis. Yes, go read that again.

What’s more, he has a video to prove it, I believe that Microsoft may have overlooked this part of the sensor. But supposedly, the infrared is now so powerful that it can see your penis; which raises concerns because there was a huge issue over privacy with the Xbox One. While the concerns are huge, they’re not as huge as me, if you get what I’m saying.

Here’s the video.

  • David Scott Grouix

    It looks like the folds of a pair of pants that just got creased in a very unfortunate way. I do find the continual NSA talk amusing though.

  • BrokenSyntax

    Infrared isn’t exactly x-ray vision, or even the radio-wave based replacement for it being used to “reduce risk factors” by various corps like the TSA.

    But I suppose it wouldn’t be ENTIRELY wrong to call it heat vision, and a penis when fully erect is quite warm. I understand the plausibility of this claim. I also accept the unfortunate fold of the pants skepticism.

    More research must be done. Any ladies want to volunteer to help me with this? ;)
    (Hey, if Patrick can make a dirty penis size joke…)

  • Dave

    who else just got more excited for xbox one?

    • NotCneil

      not him apparently

  • Jessica brown

    what a small penis

    • Mc

      Too used to seeing hard cock all the time Jessica?

      • etc

        is that in insult? HEY JESSICA GUYS GET HARD AROUND YOU! HA!
        that being said jessica don’t be so basic. fucking scrubs all around.

    • j J

      The problem doesn’t lie with his small penis, but rather your large vagina.

      • AKK

        …says the man with the little penis. I am sure that makes you feel better.

  • kr_metal

    That’s not his penis.

  • Believer

    That’s not his penis and those stupid enough to believe it is need to actually work with an infrared camera. I used and infrared camera back in high school and none of my pictures magically “picked up” the outline or general shape of anyone’s penis. Or other genitalia–as defined by modern society.

  • Paul

    I thought most penises fell to the persons left hand thigh more than their right. Plus you can see from the very first shot that the object is caused by folding in the material, then it cuts to the actual person before cutting back and the fold is still there but on both sides. It just doesn’t seem to hang right for a penis in my opinion!

  • Yeah Man

    Anthony Weiner just placed an order

  • JimmyHACK

    Good luck finding mine.

  • Joel

    so it can see womens boobs? xbone the TSA of videogames

  • oldocgold

    This scary government conspiracy brought to you by Sony

    • John

      U don’t need Sony for this! Xbone fucked themselves in the ass you fool! The minute they said they will record user data – that is ALL we needed to know. Sony didn’t even know about you moron!

      • oldocgold

        Yeah sorry, that was a joke intended for people with more than two functioning neurons. Feel free to ignore.

  • SomeoneWhoIsn’taRetard

    I know this is mainly about penises, but the Kinect does not need to be “on” at all times, nor does the Xbox One need to be connected to the internet at least once every 24 hours. So you can shut down your conspiracy theories.

  • DigDoug

    penis penis penis! balls? ummm, nope! none here! now I just feel sorry for the guy.

  • Steven Diedesch

    People all too frequently confuse “infrared” (upper-range 720-760nM) that’s used by sensors like your “night vision” video camera, Kinect camera and motion detectors on security lamps and things like your TV remote, with infrared (lower range, or thermal) that’s used in FLIR cameras and heat sensors. That particular effect is generally most prevalent when a console fanboy has an erection for his new Xbox and the resulting tent in his pants causes a shadow from the upper-range IR emitter’s slight parallax with the receiver.

    PC master race!

  • Bill

    Another reason to call it the XBone…

  • Sean

    Paul Joseph Watson should really do some in-depth journalism by demonstrating how this effect works.

  • Nathan Garcia

    Source is Alex Jones. Please ignore.